Am I on the right track in life?
Who Are You Becoming?
The Performance Question We Don’t Ask Enough
We spend a lot of time asking ourselves:
What am I achieving? What’s next? How do I get more out of myself?
But far less often do we ask:
Who am I actually becoming through it all?
This is a question I’ve been sitting with a lot lately. As someone navigating the daily juggle of building a business, being involved in High-Performance sport, and maintaining meaningful relationships - my habits, workload, and choices are under constant review. There’s a lot on my plate; and if I’m honest, I wouldn’t want it any other way.
But with that, comes the hard truth: we can be growing, progressing, stacking achievements... while slowly becoming someone we never intended to be.
The Tension of Growth
Over the last 6-12 months, I’ve recognised growth in discipline, rational decision-making, and an obsessive hunt for those 1% gains; especially in how I spend time with others and on my own. These are qualities I’m proud of. But there’s also a tension I wrestle with - the trade-off between personal growth and the relationships I value.
To succeed, I’ve had to become more selfish with my time. As a naturally social, charismatic person with a bias towards saying “yes,” this feels uncomfortable. I get FOMO; fear of missing out - but I also know, deep down, that saying “no” more often is essential right now.
This is the identity paradox of high performance. Progress often comes with a cost; and if we’re not careful, we forget to ask if that cost is still worth it.
Are My Values Still Showing Up?
I’ve always said my core values are to live, lead, laugh, and love. But how often do I stop to check: are they still showing up in my days?
Lately, the value that’s felt most alive is care - care for my work, my clients, my craft, myself. It’s showing up in how I stay connected, how I prioritise, how I protect my energy.
But if I’m being honest, leadership - at least the kind I admire; has felt a little underrepresented. Is that a blind spot? Or a reality of the current environment? Either way, it’s on my radar.
When I’m at my best, I bring energy, adaptability, and a balance of formal and informal leadership. This psychological flexibility - the ability to adapt my mindset and behaviour is something I value highly. In fact, research shows that adaptability is a key soft skill in the modern workforce (Pulakos et al., 2000). But even the adaptable need a moment to pause and recalibrate.
Who Am I Under Pressure?
Under pressure, I’d love to say I show up calm, structured, measured. But truthfully? That’s not always the case.
I get reactive. Disorganised. My ego takes the driver’s seat with that little voice saying, “I’ll prove you wrong.” I become unpredictable, and my usual rhythm goes out the window. Pressure hijacks my brain, and I default to behaviours that don’t align with the person I want to become.
But self-awareness is half the battle. I’ve learned that when I catch myself in that state, I have to pause and ask:
What’s really going on here?
Where is this pressure coming from?
What are the unintentional risks that I’m dancing with?
What system do I need to operate better within this moment?
And then most importantly; make a plan. A flexible one. A roadmap with enough structure to guide me, but enough wriggle room to adapt. That’s where my momentum rebuilds.
Emotional States & Energy
Right now, my days are dominated by a blend of fulfilment, drive, frustration, and the occasional spike of anxiety. There’s a deep internal drive to make something succeed on my terms, but there are also recurring challenges that drain me; environments where I feel I can’t be my authentic self, or problems that just keep resurfacing.
What fuels me?
Ticking the boxes that I know matter
Doing what I said I would
Staying connected, laughing, not taking life too seriously
What drains me?
Feeling stuck in repetitive challenges
Spaces where there’s misalignment in values
The self-imposed pressure to build something big, sometimes at the expense of peace
How Often Do We Reflect on Who We’re Becoming?
Honestly? Not often enough. Reflection like this takes time, and space. It requires stripping back the layers of output, achievement, and ego to ask:
“Am I still becoming the person I want to be?”
It’s easier to stay busy than to answer that. But the longer we avoid it, the harder it is to change the trajectory.
Positive Psychology In Practice
In my own life, I’ve been using the Flourish Framework, a tool grounded in Positive Psychology, to anchor my days. At the start of each morning, I scribble down:
Who do I want to be today?
What strengths will I express?
We know that building on strengths is more effective than obsessively trying to fix weaknesses (Seligman, 2011). Aligning with strengths helps us not just perform, but feel more authentic doing it.
Positive Psychology also reminds us to tune into the small moments of positive emotion - gratitude, joy, connection, which broaden our perspective and build psychological resilience (Fredrickson, 2001). I’m trying to do more of that each day, even if it’s just noticing the wins I’d usually rush past.
Future-Focused: Who Am I Becoming in 12 Months?
If I keep on this current trajectory, I’ll be someone with greater independence, a relentless work ethic, and the curiosity to keep evolving. But I also wonder:
Will I ever feel satisfied with where I’m at? Will I find peace in the process; not just pride in the progress?
That’s the work.
To not just do more, but to be more; on my own terms.
As my Dad told me years ago, “There’s six inches between a pat on the back and a kick up the ass.” Right now, my ass is sore; so maybe it’s time to give myself the occasional pat on the back.
So, Who Are You Becoming?
This is the question I’ll leave you with:
If you stay on your current trajectory - who will you be in 12 months? Is that someone you’re proud of? Or is it time to shift?
If you’re ready to start shaping that trajectory intentionally, I’ve created a daily performance tool - the Flourish Framework to help you design each day with more clarity, alignment, and momentum.
References
Fredrickson, B. L. (2001). The role of positive emotions in positive psychology: The broaden-and-build theory of positive emotions. American Psychologist, 56(3), 218–226.
Pulakos, E. D., Arad, S., Donovan, M. A., & Plamondon, K. E. (2000). Adaptability in the workplace: Development of a taxonomy of adaptive performance. Journal of Applied Psychology, 85(4), 612–624.
Seligman, M. E. P. (2011). Flourish: A visionary new understanding of happiness and well-being. Free Press.