Why Do I Let Fear or Doubt Get in My Way?
It’s you.
I used to blame “chaos.”
Misaligned. Thoughts not translating to action. Too much on my plate. Too many moving parts. Not enough time.
Honestly though - It wasn’t the chaos. It was me.
Pretending. People-pleasing. Scatter-brain days. Chronic overcommitment. A dull hum of shame in the background. No rhythm. No results. Like driving with my foot on the accelerator and the brakes at the same time. With no map on where you’re going.
Two moments still sting.
December 2022 - I was in limbo, about to move to Australia, unemployed, and drifting in a weird transition phase. No structure. No focus. Just low-grade chaos disguised as “waiting for the right time.”
October 2024 - fresh from a break in Sydney’s eastern suburbs. My body was rested, but my mind wasn’t. Self-sabotage central. I’d been quietly burning myself down from the inside out.
This wasn’t laziness or failure. It was lack of alignment, structure, boundaries, and belief. And research backs it: self-sabotage is rarely about willpower. It’s usually a mix of unexamined patterns, vague priorities, and an environment set up to trip you (Boniwell, Biswas-Diener, & van Nieuwerburgh, 2010).
The ugly truth about my sabotage
Here’s how I got in my own way:
Procrastination: I let the important things rot until they turned urgent and toxic.
Indecision: I hid in “thinking about it” instead of deciding.
Overcommitting: Packed my calendar so tight I couldn’t breathe - work, passion projects, extreme social life, workouts, dinners; all noise, no focus.
And under it all? No idea it was unfolding the way I thought it would.
Fear of change. Fear of not being good enough. Fear that if I went all-in and failed, there’d be nowhere to hide.
So I kept busy doing everything but the thing that mattered. Grant, Green, and Rynsaardt (2010) call this “avoidance-through-busyness” - a self-defence strategy that coaching can dismantle by forcing clarity, commitment, and aligned action.
The five mindset traps that keep you stuck
These aren’t just “bad habits.” They’re performance killers — and they don’t only derail you, they make you a worse leader for others (Halliwell, Mitchell, & Boyle, 2023).
Procrastination: “I’ll start when I’m ready” - spoiler; you’ll never be ready.
Perfectionism: I looped at 80% done, flirting with 100%.
Overcommitting: My schedule looked impressive… until I noticed I was too fried to follow through.
All-or-nothing thinking: If it wasn’t perfect, I labelled it failure.
Comparison paralysis: “Why bother when someone else is already better & will judge?” - until I remembered no one can do my version.
The turning point: chaos out, structure in
February 2025, everything started clicking:
I did the work internally - reflecting, reviewing, realigning
I did the work externally - sleeping, training, eating, and actually being present.
The ACE Project was live.
The South Sydney Rabbitohs season was about to start.
My relationships were stronger than ever.
I’ve got clear goal post… for now
Not perfect. But aligned.
Here’s what anchored me:
Morning: Intentions locked in before the day started. “Theme of the week is_____”
Afternoon: Check-in; still on track or time to pivot?
Evening: Wins, lessons, and gratitude — daily.
Done-for-the-day ritual: Unplug with my most important people; love, laugh, live
Structure wasn’t a prison. It was safety. It was space to create. It was proof I could trust myself again.
Positive psychology coaching calls this the “scaffolding” effect; systems that hold you when motivation collapses, so progress becomes non-negotiable (Theeboom, Beersma, & van Vianen, 2014).
If you’re still in the trenches
You don’t need more hustle. You don’t need to “try harder.” You definitely don’t need more guilt.
What you do need is structure that aligns with your values.
Structure that:
Clarifies what matters.
Protects your energy.
Drives consistent action - even when you feel flat.
That’s what the September cohort of the Alignment Accelerator delivers:
Real clarity on what matters (and what doesn’t).
Systems to make action your default setting.
Coaching grounded in psychology and leadership science.
Accountability without the burnout.
Lai and Palmer (2019) call this “coaching for alignment”; closing the gap between who you say you are and how you actually operate. It’s not fluffy. It’s not theoretical. It’s practical, measurable, and it works.
Your next move
If you’re tired of your own excuses… if you’re sick of running in mental circles… if you can feel the gap between your potential and your reality; then stop looking for the “right time.”
It’s not coming.
You either lead yourself now, or you keep spinning.
Apply to the Alignment Accelerator. Let’s replace chaos with clarity and make action your default.
Because the most dangerous thing about self-sabotage? You can get so used to it, you forget what it feels like to win.
References
Boniwell, I., Biswas-Diener, R., & van Nieuwerburgh, C. (2010). Positive psychology coaching: A model for coaching practice. The Journal of Positive Psychology, 5(5), 428-436. https://doi.org/10.1080/17439760.2010.516683
Grant, A. M., Green, L. S., & Rynsaardt, J. (2010). Developmental coaching for high school teachers: Executive coaching goes to school. Consulting Psychology Journal: Practice and Research, 62(3), 151-168. https://doi.org/10.1037/a0019212
Halliwell, P. R., Mitchell, R. J., & Boyle, B. (2023). Leadership effectiveness through coaching: Authentic and change-oriented leadership behaviours and self-efficacy. PLOS ONE, 18(12), Article e0294953. https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pone.0294953
Lai, Y.-L., & Palmer, S. (2019). Psychology in executive coaching: An integrated literature review. Journal of Work-Applied Management, 11(2), 192-208. https://doi.org/10.1108/JWAM-06-2019-0017
Theeboom, T., Beersma, B., & van Vianen, A. E. M. (2014). Does coaching work? A meta-analysis on the effects of coaching on individual level outcomes in an organizational context. The Journal of Positive Psychology, 9(1), 1-18. https://doi.org/10.1080/17439760.2013.837499