You’ve Changed - You Just Didn’t Notice.

A read for humans trying to get better 24/7.

We’re all guilty of it: chasing the next achievement so hard that we forget to notice how far we’ve already come.

You work. You grind. You care. You grow. But you rarely pause long enough to realise any of it.

Recently, I gave myself five minutes with a notebook; and here’s what came up.

Growth doesn’t look the way I thought.
It doesn’t arrive with applause.
It doesn’t come with instructions.
It definitely doesn’t feel comfortable.

It hides inside three very human experiences:

Exposure.
Effort.
Expression.

Not as motivational buzzwords, but as the moments that stretch us quietly, painfully, honestly.

Let’s break it down - because when life feels heavy, breaking it down helps it feel lighter.

Exposure - When You Do the Thing That Scares You.

Think about a moment from this year when you put yourself out there.

Maybe it was:

• Starting the project you’d been sitting on

• Sitting in a job interview you wanted badly 

• Having a conversation you’d been avoiding

• Posting something personal on social media

• Joining a new gym on your own

For me, it was launching ACE publicly after years of forming the concept. Throwing it into a world that already has enough coaches, enough noise, enough opinions. And there I was… adding mine.

It felt like everyone could see me… and judge me.

That feeling is exposure. It’s stepping into a room your fear tells you to walk away from.

And the psychology is pretty clear: avoiding fear makes it bigger. Facing fear makes you bigger (Craske et al., 2014).

You’ve done that this year. Whether you celebrated it or not.

Effort - Showing Up When No One Is Watching.

You know those weeks where life feels like one long to-do list?

• Work stretching into nights

• Training you squeeze in between everything else

• Busy days making it harder to slow down and connect with others

• Bills, routines, and life admin responsibilities stacking higher than your energy

You do it because the alternative is letting something drop.
You do it because someone relies on you.
You do it because a version of you wants better.

We romanticise transformation. But the truth is far more ordinary:

Growth looks like choosing the thing that matters one more time - even when you’re exhausted.

For me, it can mean long days and training when I least want to… dragging myself through the moments that aren’t glamorous, the ones no one sees, and convincing myself it’s still worth turning up when everything signals for an easier option.

For someone else, that might be choosing sobriety today. Or packing lunches before you’ve packed your own sleep. Or showing up for a mate even when your tank is empty.

Effort isn’t pretty - it’s persistent. And habits repay us later (Wood & Rünger, 2016).

If you’ve kept moving when stopping would have been easier, you’ve grown. Simple as.

Expression - Being More “You” in Places You Used to Shrink.

This might be the hardest one.

Expression is letting more of your real self into the world.

This year, that looked like me standing firm on what I believe in - even when disagreeing with someone far more experienced in a high-performance environment.

But expression could look like:

• Asking for help instead of pretending you’re fine

• Saying no without apology

• Owning your opinion in a meeting

• Admitting you want something big

• Telling someone you love them, properly

• Letting your personality show instead of playing a part

We’ve all had moments where we swallowed our voice to fit in. It’s human. But when you stop doing that; when you let yourself be seen - that’s growth too.

Authenticity isn’t soft. It takes courage (Ryan & Deci, 2017).

And you’ve shown more of yourself this year than you realise.

If Growth Had a Feeling…

It would feel like:

Uncertainty. Friction. Hard choices.Tiny wins.

Fear you walked toward. Days you pushed through. Words you finally said.

It wouldn’t feel like confidence.
It wouldn’t feel like a “new you.”
It wouldn’t feel Instagram-worthy.

It would feel like living.

This year, I grew through:

• Doing the thing that scared me - exposure

• Keeping going when I was tired - effort

• Saying what I believe - expression

You did too. Whether you noticed or not.

A 2-Minute Check-In (That Changes Everything).

Ask yourself:

What did I face that I used to avoid?
What did I keep showing up for even when it was hard?
When did I let more of the real me show up?

Write one line for each.

That’s your growth story.

Small. Quiet. Real.

Moving Forward Without Burning Out.

When the new year arrives and the world shouts “set bigger goals!”, maybe consider this;

One moment of exposure each week
One act of effort that matters
One expression of your real self

That’s enough to change you; again.

Keep breaking things down so life feels lighter. Keep going from good to great; purposefully.

And remember; you’ve already come a long way.

References.

Craske, M. G., Treanor, M., Conway, C. C., Zbozinek, T., & Vervliet, B. (2014). Maximizing exposure therapy: An inhibitory learning approach. Behaviour Research and Therapy, 58, 10–23.

Ryan, R. M., & Deci, E. L. (2017). Self-determination theory: Basic psychological needs in motivation, development, and wellness. Guilford Press.

Wood, W., & Rünger, D. (2016). Psychology of habit. Annual Review of Psychology, 67, 289–314.